When is it WOW to take the VOWs?

Hi all - since all of you are on the other side of the court - may b u can tell me -
I have 2 important questions to ask you :-
1) When is the right age for a girl to get married?
2) What is the right age difference between the Man and the Woman that can make a marriage workable?

If you ask me - I always believed that marriage has got nothing to do with age - when it happens, it just.. does - u have to be mentally and emotionally prepared to get married - to realize that u r finally ready to take up that additional responsibility - to be someone's wife - daughter in law and finally soon, a mother - but ALAS! Due to several social, economical, emotional and paternal, maternal, hormonal pressure there are certain cut-offs or expiry dates for a girl to get married. I myself is 27 now and many of my uncles and aunties tell me that OMG it is too late ... by now you should have been raising your 2nd child .. !!! .. hehehe my Q is what do I do with the child in me which is still jumping with all the life's excitement .. anyways ... I once read an article in TOI which defined 28 as the best year for a woman to get married - this was the result of a survey which said that 28 is the most satisfying year in a woman's life - she has reached at the peak of her career and is content with it - she is looking more towards settling down now, since she has accomplished most of her aspirations - also if she is already in a relationship, the relationship has reached a stability - also 28 is a year when a woman is more confident - more sure of herself - she is more aware of what she wants out of life and is geared to looking forward to it - I too somehow agree with this survey - cos this is exactly how I feel.

Regarding the 2nd Q - I would say anywhere between 1-5 years. As per today's day and age where women are working and providing for herself, the mind and body of the 2 ppl should be as similar as possible - I think this age difference brings in a sense of friendship in the marriage - but as someone has said out of experience - love knows no age, no money, no boundaries etc etc - some philosophy - but again ALAS!!!! - in my community or rather in kerala gals are married off to guys 7-10 yrs older to them - WEIRD - but true - this is normal and socially very acceptable - :(

But again - as I said - since I am the least experienced one in this matter - I would want your advice, guidance, experience, thoughts, philosophies etc.. - What do you think should be the best age for the Woman to get married and to how much older a man?

Mr. PRAGAAASH ... COLLING...

It's a Saturday - the weekend, but I am working today, If you are one of those super-flexible special species, whose fate had it that you become a support engineer, this might not be something new or surprising. Super-flexible special species because, you work any time of the day or night so say 6am to 3pm, 12pm to 9pm or 10pm to 6 am, weekends etc. So, here I am – doing a highly critical system testing, something which has the highest visibility to the business – It has a window of just 1 hr – if I don’t finish it -it is as good as the end of this world – end of my job – in short – it’s a matter of life and death for me – !!!! …..
As per the thumb rule of the greatest ironies, whenever you are occupied by something extremely important – something that requires you’re the most immense concentration and dedication, your MOBILE has to RING !!!... And .. it has to ring with the highest volume and with the most weirdest ringtones – a ringtone which you just happened to be checking out the last night but forgot to turn off – so, here it goes - “…. MAHABHARAT ….!!!!– aaa aaa aaa – ath shri mahabharat katha - aaa – ath shri mahabharat katha ….aaaa .. mahabharat katha .. aaa” – the next thumb rule is no matter how much ever efforts you make to find that screaming mobile in your bag – you won’t find it unless everyone in the bay has noticed you – half of them have displayed their amusement and the rest of the half, the displeasure. Though, the amount of displeasure is definitely more than the amusement “… Katha hai purushartha ki, ye swartha ki, paramartha ki, sarathi jiske bane ye sri Krishna bharat paartha ki …” it goes on and on…!!!
EUREKA !!!! – I finally found it – it displays a number which definitely is from a foreign land – I wonder who on earth; in the midst of a sunny afternoon like the one now, is calling me – which country is it from – because most of my friends are either in UK or in US – I don’t expect any calls from them at this time – “…. yada yada hi dharmasya glanir bhavati bharat ….” - anyways, to avoid the rest of the embarrassment – I just pick up the phone – And SWEAR by the love of mother god – how much I regret it, to this date and time – my this action of picking up that miserably eventful call – !!!
“hello – is this SWAAAAATHI!!!! – I yaam PRAGAAASH here” - !!!!!
????SWAAAAATHI ??” - “a Mr. Pragaash with a thick mallu accent – I do not know anyone with that name and that accent” – anyways – I ask – “I am sorry – I do not know you – this is with regards to what?” – “I saw your profile on Keralamatrimony – I am calling with regards to that” – “????KERALA MATRIMONY ???– at this time – no ways” – I thought – but it is bad manners to be rude on phone so I continue - “oh ok – alright where are you calling from -? ” –“ I YAAM COLLING FROM OOMAAN” – (its oman actually – but read it just the way it is written – it would just give you a feel of that mallu accent, I am referring to) – ok – “tell me about yourself Prakash – what do you do? – Where are you from in kerala? – your family” –
“oh – I am basically from Thrissur in Kerala – my parents are staying there – I have a brother and 2 sisters – both are married and settled in Kerala” – I was working in Kerala state government before – I resigned and came here in Oman 2 yrs back” – “ok – what do you do?? – I asked” – “I am an optic technician in a hospital here” – “Swaaathi – where are you from??” – “well – I am basically from cochin in Kerala – but we are settled in Mumbai since 17 yrs” – “in my family – I have mom dad – a elder sis married and has a baby and a younger brother” –
After a decent enough discussion of our family background – I tell him – “I am sorry Prakash – but we are not looking for any proposals outside India” – he somehow does not seem to like this idea – “WHY SWAAATHI – why so???” – “Because my entire family is here – and it is easy if you are nearby since you can visit them and you stay in touch – migrating to Oman is not something I would want to do in future – also with respect to my work – there are very few chances or scope in Oman” –
“NO NO SWAATHI – I don’t plan to stay here forever – I am planning to go to EUROPE and go study there” – so you come there –
“hmm - whether it is Europe or Oman it does not make much difference because it is outside India” –
“but SWAATHI – the life in India is very different from here – living outside is an experience” – “you have always lived in Mumbai – so you don’t know” – “you must stay outside your home some time you will realize – it’s such a good experience” – BLAH BLAH BLAH !!! –
I don’t know – but this statement does not generate any sense of appreciation or admiration towards him in me – once he is done with explaining me the advantages of staying outside INDIA – I tell him – “Prakash – just to let you know – I was before in Mysore then for some time in Bangalore then Pune – then I went to London – I shifted to Mumbai – so that I could stay with my parents and take care of them – but in between I went to Newyork also – Again, my dad had a transferrable job – hence, every 3 years he would be transferred to a new place and my school would also change – believe me even if we have stayed in Mumbai for so long but within Mumbai itself, we have moved a lot around – so I very well know and can relate to what you are saying – it definitely is an experience travelling within the country and outside of it” – “I must say don’t just stay in Oman – if you have plans to migrate to Europe then very well do it – your EXPERIENCE will only increase” - !@$!@$%!@%@$ - !!!!” - He says “hhhmmmmmmmmmmm” – a BIG “hmmmmmmmmmmm” – !!!!!!
“SWAAATHI – actually I saw you online last night on Kerlamatrimony and had pinged you on the chat – but you did not reply!!!!” – “Oh – so that was him!!! – well you know, these are the very few moments of the life – when you regret to be living in a technically advanced world – how it has become so easy to reach people – to approach them in spite of them not wanting you to” – at this moment I do want to believe that - that those 50 Paisa postcard days were really gr8!!! - J
“so SWAAATHI – you want to say that you want to stay somewhere near by your parents – so you are an Amma and Acchcan’s girl TYPE of girl” – “but SWAAATHI let me tell you – for a WOMAN – once they are married the most important thing in the world should be her PHARTAAV (meaning husband in mallu) and her PHARTAAV’s FAAAAAAMILY” – !!! …
“????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@” – “oh really????” – I ask –
“Yes of Corse – after marriage a women’s family becomes secondary – because she has to move with her PHARTAAV and take care of him and his FAAAAMILY” – “so you should be really not be thinking about your parents that much – because eventually you would be busy with your PHARTAV” – “so it does not matter even if you stay outside India” - !!!!...
I think that was more than enough for me – “YOU – PRAGAASH – have 2 sisters !!! – both married – where did you say they are????” –“amm in KERALA !!!” – I asked “WHY???” why are they in Kerala??? – He has no answer “well that all depends” – “OO Oh ok – so all that depends??? Is it?? – well let me tell you something PRAGAAASH – there is one more number on that website – that is of my dad’s – why don’t you have word with him???” – all he has to say is - “AA BBB AAA BBB DDD” – “Yes – I would appreciate if you could speak with him and let him know of your thoughts – he would be more than glad to talk to you – go ahead – call him!!! – I shall talk to you later after you have spoken with”- “in fact – I would have appreciated it if you would have contacted him first” – “AAA BAAA AAA ok ill call him” – “hey don’t worry you can take your time - BYE for now though !!!!” – !@$!#$@!%!$#@%@#$....
Having not realized how long I have been talking - I frantically look at my watch – oh gr8!! – I have 20 min of my time – I hurriedly get back to my work – “who were you talking to???” – My friend asks me – “Oh wait, I shall tell you but did you know?? – that if you are married all your responsibilities are towards only and only to your PHARTAAV and his family??” – “WHAT?? – what is PHARTAV” – “oh sorry I mean your beloved husband” – “that’s crazy – who told you this – there is nothing like – I love both my families” – “oh really – does your PHARTAAV – I mean your husband know that and is he ok with this” – “yea of Corse” – “oh then good for you” !! J
It’s a Saturday again, me and dad are having coffee, when I suddenly happen to remember – “Dad, did you get any call from a Mr. PRAGAAASH?” – “no – I didn’t – why??” – I smile – “did’nt I tell you who called me up last weekend?” – “No”
Ok – then here it goes....... !!!!!!!!!..... J

Vibhavangal (Delicacies) ...

Ende Keralam … !!!

... Meaning My Kerala – though I have always stayed outside Kerala for most of my life – but still my brief memories of the summer vacation visits to Kerala is vivid and vibrant in my mind – as vivid and as vibrant as this place…
Of the many things that can be said about Kerala – one of them is the Malayali Food – mmm.. yummm.. Legitimately called as the “God’s own Country” – due to its lush greenery and breath taking scenic beauty - the food from here is nothing more than HEAVENLY - !!!
So from the God’s own Country - here are some Malayali food recipes – for all my foodie friends :-)

Note: These are the authentic recipes from my Mom’s Kitchen –

1) Chamandi - Coconut chutney, for idlies and dosas:-
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Mix finely grated fresh coconut + finely cut small onions + salt + red chilli powder in mixie till smooth.
Now put some water and heat – do not bring to boil
Tadka – mustard seeds + kari patta + red tadka chilli + finely cut small onions.

2) Sambar – from now on throw away that everest sambar masala outside the window:-
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Put all the vegetables you can think of – pototaoes, tomatoes, onions, garlic, elephant ear (or sooran in hindi), drum sticks, brinjal, okra or bhindi, tinda, chowli, beet roots, pumpkin etc etc - ofcorse exclude Bitter Gourd and gobis – the more the vegetables the more it is delicious and healthy - all cut into cubes + green chillis + tuvar dal + some water depending upon the consistency you prefer into a cooker --> 2 seetis and down.
On a separate tawa one by one roast chilli powder then dhania powder. Note the fragrance of the perfect roasted masala is strong and may make you sneeze or cough – if you do then its done – take it out immediately – make sure you don’t burn it – it takes barely a min on a nicely hot tawa – this is the trick to a mouth-watering sambar :-)
After the cooker opens add turmeric + salt + imali soaked water + roasted chilli powder and dhania powder + kari patta + heeng (the 2nd trick to the mouth-watering Sambar) --> bring this to boil.
Tadaka – in a hot Oil add mustard seeds + dhania seeds + small onions (also called madarasi onions – these are different from our regural onions – are very small- the 3rd trick to that luscious sambar) + red tadaka chillis
Add the tadaka to the boiling Sambar – WOOPIEEE – go lost in its smell :-)

3) Avial – A mix vegetable curry in coconut gravy:-
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Put all vegetables – tomatoes + potatoes + onions + chowli + gawar + pumpkin etc all cut as elongated + some water --> 2 seetis and down.
Now put turmeric + chilli powder + salt + imli soaked water into those vegetable and bring to boil.
Bring it down and put some coarsely ground coconut and some coconut oil.
Tadaka – kari patta + jeera + again the small onions.

4) Inji Curry – Ginger curry actually more of a chutney:-
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For tadka – put dhania seeds + mustard seeds and let those burst
Now put finely grated onions and finely grated lots of ginger + kari patta + red chilli powder + dhania powder + turmeric powder + salt
Fry this nicely – the ginger becomes deep red and crispy – now put some imli soaked water – bring to boil – bring down once the water goes and the consistency is thick.
To be eaten with rice like chutney.

5) Pach adi – A kind of Raayata:-
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Beat the curd with some salt - so that the water and the butter mix but do not make the consistency thin – let it be thick – keep aside.
Tadaka – dhania seeds + mustard seeds + jeera seeds – let these burst – now put into this fine cut small onions + grren chillis + kari patta + a vegetable – fry well.
Note: the vegetable can be either fine cut bhindi or fine cut locky or fine cut pumpkin – which ever you like.
Bring this down and let it cool – now mix this to the curd and yummy Pach adi is ready :-)

6) Pullusherry:- a kind of kadi:-
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Beat the curd with some salt + turmeric powder + red chilli powder – beet well so that the consistency is thin, if need be put some water.
Heat this while mixing it continuously. Note that it has to be only heated not boiled. You have to heat it till the colour changes to a bright yellow.
Tadaka – dhania seeds + mustard seeds + finely cut small onions + red tadaka chilli + kari patta + garlic.
To be eated with rice just like dal.

More to follow here – this is a long list :-)

On .. one of such Twilights ..!!!

Twilight – this story is from those times of my life when a twilight used to happen every day for me and my friends – twilight, dusk – or an evening – filled with laughter, hide and seek, ice spice, pakada pakadi, chor police, little jokes, the gentle breeze, the mud, the clay, the sweet smell of the earth when mummy would water the plants in the garden, the appetizing smell of the just fried mummy-made potato chips or steaming idilis or any mummy made evening snacks – delicious like heaven, the dust, the small pebble, the cut, the bruise on always either the elbow or the knee, the Johnson & Johnson band aid, the trees and their branches to climb on, the tree house, the swing, the colorful flowers to pluck, the tiny green caterpillar on its leaf, the dragon flies, the fire flies, the butterflies ……

Today … twilight is spent in the adjustable chair at my desk in one corner of my office or in the cramped 1^st class compartment with not so 1^st class ambience, of the Mumbai local train … but let’s not talk about this now... Because this story is about a twilight which was lot more fun, cozy and memorable.

We are now at Bhavnagar, Gujarat – a place called bor talaav – a lake, actually a reservoir planned for water supply to the town, but also a picnic spot – I might have been in 3^rd std – our house was very close to this place – in summers this lake would completely dry out but would be full in the monsoon …

During one of those fun-filled twilights – during the school summer holidays – after our regular games of hide and seek and ghar ghar – we were exhausted of all the running around – me, jo, arun, chamila and her 2 brothers just sat down to take some breathe and wait for the snacks to come out of the kitchen – although the delectable smell of it had already made its way out of the kitchen window and spread into our backyard garden – the sun was soon about to lose its golden shine somewhere behind that cloud – the cloud that a few minutes back looked like a flying horse, but now looks like a goat – though the sun made sure that before it hides away, it spreads its goldenness across the sky making this dusk shimmer and sparkle.

It’s still a little dark and cold though here – but the zero bulb hanging arbitrarily from the roof, just gliding in the gentle breeze is giving a little illumination. Everyone has found either a boulder or an old decaying log to sit on – I can’t find anything to sit and none of them are kind enough to give me their seat. Even though it is summer it becomes quite cold here in the evening – I finally find a rock to sit on – it is nice oval and smooth – as a kid I had a fascination for stones – I would collect any round, shaped or colorful stones, pebble wherever I went – I had a big collection of stones – this one was so round and smooth and brown it was perfect to fit in my collection - though it was little big.

So bang – I sit on it – so what if everyone got to sit before I did – I found a perfectly round rock to sit on - ????? – But hello – what is this? – This rock is astonishingly hot - !!!! Strange – it so cold out here – WOW – this is great – so I get a perfect round smooth brown and a warm seat to sit – I love this!!! -

… hehhehe … “arun to gir gaya” .. hhhaaa .. “chamila .. tune cheating ki” … our giggles .. The only sound breaking the silence of this evening other than the cricket … somewhere out there rubbing his feet..

All of a sudden am moving – though I think I am sitting at just one place – so either it’s me or the earth beneath me is moving – all my friends jump – “Swati – Swati – that rock you are sitting on is moving” – “Mummy...” – I scream and jump off from the moving rock – we all rub our eyes to see it clearly – the rock is actually moving – on its own..!!!

But how come??? – What is this?? – petrified or panicked or what I don’t know – the 1^st reaction we have after all the screaming – is to pick up whatever we had – the stick - the stones – we start throwing at the rock – now it is moving little more faster – “it’s running – its running” - … Not only that – “it has 4 legs” – “ah ah – look at that – is that a tail??” – “no Swati – it is its head” – “no it’s a tail -” – “oh my god it has both head and tail – what is this ???”–

it’s a tortoise - !!!! …. it’s a tortoise…!!!

Screams Jo … “it’s a tortoise” – “oh yes – it’s a tortoise” – the moment we hear this – the vigor in our hands and legs have increased – with all our willpower, we are throwing all the stones at this intruder - as if that is going to make it run any faster – but for us it had become a matter of our pride – a Tortoise had sneaked into our garden without our permission – as for me I picked that large stick and start hitting it on its back – “go away – you Tortoise – go away from my garden” – for me more than the fact that it was a tortoise – the fact that it was not that shiny brown stone which I could have put in my collection, had infuriated me more – hitting it with that stick unquestionably made me feel better – !!!!!

“stop that” – said mummy – hearing all the commotion in the backyard – she had hurriedly come out – “stop that” – everyone has stopped – “Bang” – “Bang” – “go away you tortoise” – except for me – “I said - stop it Swati” – she pulls the stick from my hand and throws it away –

“What are you kids doing???” – “It is just a small tortoise” – “look at it – poor thing – u have scared him” – suddenly we are all silent staring at it – as if realizing that in all the excitement we might have hurt it and scared it – although it cannot run but it is trying to walk as fast as it can -...

“It’s just a tortoise – it does not hurt” – she carefully placed him safely on a tray – opened the gate and let him outside – “let him go – he would find his way to the lake” –

We all stood there looking at it – with our eyes and mouth wide open – “come inside kids – its getting dark – come on in” – but we are still there – “come on beta – aren’t you hungry ??” …

“.. Oh wow!!! I have never seen a tortoise”.. says Chamila .. hehhehe .. “but it was fun ..” Again we are all in our giggles.. he hehehe .. “Did you see ... How it was moving??? – and Swati … was hitting him so hard” … heee…

The Circus ...

It’s a Sunday evening – nothing is special about this weekend. A regular one – I wake up in the morning to mom’s regular dose of dos and don’ts – take my bath – do my exercise – take my breakfast and clean up my room – by the time all this is over its usually 10 AM – yes I manage to do all this on a Sunday morning by 10 AM – sounds unlikely to any software engineer – cos Sunday mornings are usually spent in the bed – compensating to the partying or night out on a Saturday night – well that used to be my routine once upon a time – but this is NOW! – So let’s talk about NOW!!!!

After my regular afternoon nap, an end result of a heavy lunch – I am having my cup of Tea – trying to wake myself up – when a brilliant idea strikes me!! – Why not look up for some good executive MBA courses??? !!!!! – So I start up my desktop and connect the internet for some SERIOUS net surfing – after all it’s about the aspirations of an aspiring MBA grad :-) !!!...

I have just launched my first IE page – when mom comes to me – she has a SWEET smile and a hopeful gaze – :-( - when I look at her – I have already realized what she is going to come up with – she knows what I am about to say – so she WIDENS her smile – and puts that EXTRA sugar into her words – !!!!

“mon – keralamtrimony torunnu aa proposals onnu nolkawo??” – Meaning – “BETA why don’t you open the keralamatrimony website and look for some proposals??” –
What a GREAT idea???!!!! – It seems to my mom – at times I am so amazed – when I think of the difference between my ambitions and mom’s expectations - :-(

“Mummy – nyaan uppol otthiri important aayitole karyam chedondu irrikyua!!” – Meaning – “mom am doing something very important right now!!” – I retaliate – trying to sound as busy and as annoyed as possible – but to no avail – after all she is my mom – she knows me really well – so she gets dad also – who was busy watching TV – but switches it off – as he also finds keralamatrimony to be more interesting than the Malayalam songs program he was watching – something he never misses.

SO - there u go – the criteria is simple – height – 5’5” to 6’0” (I wonder why I need such a tall boy I am anyways small!!)– Age – 27 to 32 – Education – Engineer\Doctor\MBA (simply because I hold an engg. Degree and that very much justifies my hunt for a qualified husband) – location Mumbai and last but not the least – the community – never in the 26 yrs of my life have I felt the importance of my caste so profoundly – it is now that I realize – how this can be the only deciding factor for my marriage!!! – So that leaves me with some very few options – there are 53 matches – hmm well not bad –!!!

Since it’s an arranged marriage I look at my mom dad – to do the honors – pick up whomever they want – but they want me do the honors – well!! Am so proud of them – they want me to make my choice – well what they don’t realize is – that my choice is not to get married this year – aaahhhhhh - well anyways!!! – so I go through the pages – to find someone who looks different – yes different – cos they all look the same – the same JET BLACK hair – and the same BIG moustache – well – I could find 3 of them without moustache – so I pick them up – I think they deserve a chance – after all they had the guts to break the age old tradition of our mallu guys keeping a moustache!!!- Its fast – customized messages – “interested in your profile” and the 1st step is done – PHEW!! – Its over – now let me get back to my stuff - !!!

Mom and dad are happy – the twinkle in their eyes is similar to that of a small child getting a lollipop – by the time I had finished with this – I realize it’s already dinner time and time to log-off – so there goes my MBA plans – thanks to this keralamatrimony the business world is losing out on a bright candidate – but what I did not realize at this moment – I sent a small message “interested in your profile” I din even bother to go through these profiles – but this small message could bring big and bigger problems.

It’s again a Sunday – but this is not a regular one – it’s a chaos in the house today – “we are getting late – cant you make it fast” – my dad is pretty annoyed – he does not want to be late – it’s as if whoever gets first there gets the best groom – hmm – “mom it’s ok now I think we are done” – my mom looks at me - hopefully the last time – “hmmmmmmmmm” – she says – as if giving her approval - gives me the SAME big smile – “this time I too think that we are done” –
Ok – let me tell you where we are going – it happens to be “kudumbam sangamam” – meaning “family get together” – so all the aspiring brides and grooms of my community with their families can come up – meet up chat up and decide on their wedding plans - !@#!@#!@$ - something like speed dating – here this is speed marriages -!!!

Seems like a picnic for my parents – seriously – look at their faces – it’s glowing with all the excitement – as for me - It seems so SUICIDAL – why am I doing this??? – After all, the NOs – denials – debates - arguments and emotional attyachars - I am finally here – to find my SOUL MATE - !!!

SOUL MATE – hmm – he definitely does not look like one – and why the heck is he smiling so much???!!! -!@#!@#!@$ - He and his family seem to be very excited to meet mom and dad – so are my parents – the only thing I want to do right now is concentrate on my cup of tea. It’s so delicious - !!! – At this moment it’s the best thing in this whole world!!! -

“I have seen him somewhere” – I tell Arun – who is kind of enjoying this whole circus the most – its free entertainment for him! – “You might have seen him on keralamatrimony – heee – your favorite website” – it strikes me like a THUNDER BOLT – “OMG!! – What have I done” – “hahahha – don’t tell me you sent him a message” “yes I did” – “GOD!! WHAAAAT!!! – You nuts??? - All the best – be ready for a circus on the next weekend chickoo – you’ve had it!!!”

So – it’s again a Sunday – and it’s again chaotic – everyone seems to be very excited – jo dungu arun mom dad and also our bai – yesterday when dad told me the boy and his family are coming – I thought it would be him and his parents – cos that is what my family is – little did I know – it was the big fat great Indian family – the bell rang – and here they are – hmm – let’s see who all are there –???

The boy – his parents – his 3 aunts – his 2 uncles – his brother – his cousin sister – her husband and their 3 year old kid – I wonder if we should have booked an auditorium – “ayyo santhamma – santhamma endu parrayannu -” (hey santhamma – how are u?)– WOW – look whose here – thankkamma aunty – she happens to be my mom’s good friend – NO WONDER!!! – so one of his aunt is my mom’s friend – that explains the crowd in my house -

Now starts the fun – people finding places to sit – santhamma and thankamma – long lost friends – discussing the old times – and feeling nostalgic about it – all the aunties giggling in one half of the room and all the uncles getting to know each other in the other half – there is something about our mallu uncles and aunties staying outside kerala and meeting up – they discuss their veedu (house), naadu (native place) and parrambu(land) – some of the things they have left behind so long ago but still have never been able to leave those - no matter which part of kerala they belong – they always tend to find some or the other relative – and find that they belong to the same family – and they celebrate - For eg: how is rohini’s aunt’s daughter’s husband’s mother’s cousin’ grandfather doing??? – don’t ask me the answer to this question – it is as complicated as the question is – among all this commotion – the 3 year old finds himself lost - standing at the center of the room – staring at all the faces – not knowing what to do – hehe – he is cute.

So – my mom thinks it is the right time for me to enter into the scene –I am finally allowed to come out of my room – the moment I enter the hall – there is a pin drop silence!!! – the 2nd uncle was going through his 2nd munch of the idli but has stopped now – the aunties were busy gossiping even they have stopped – dad and the uncles discussion of the kerla politics and literature has taken a halt – it’s as if the time has stopped – as if rohini’s aunt’s daughter’s husband’s mother’s cousin’ grandfather is dead – the expression on the kid’s face is the same – still cluleless - !!!

Has it ever happened to you -??? A bunch of people staring at you – silence as dead as grave – they scan you from top to bottom – left and right – this reminds of the security check in at the international airports – am sure not even any terrorist is scanned like this - I do not know what I should be doing?? – What should be the correct or appropriate expression on my face – the only thought coming to my mind now – is that I am feeling FUNNY!!! – Yup – it’s as if someone is tickling me - I feel like a JOKER in this show of circus!!! - there is a chair right across the hall – my mom directs me to sit there – by this time 10 min have passed – but it seems like an era has just passed by – I don’t know – but people seem to not have had enough of staring at me – I can’t hold it any more – “ah mm hmm well - hahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahah” – I start laughing - LOUD and CLEAR!!!– I open my mouth to say something not getting hold of any words – but feel only like laughing – the tickling feeling is just not going!!! – cos suddenly the expression of amusement on everyone’s face has changed to amazement - I see a big question mark on every body’s face - my mom standing there is trying to cover up by again giving her wide smile – “hello everyone – I am Swati – and I do not know anyone of you – so please introduce yourselves -” I finally manage to pull it off – MOM is impressed!!! – The silence is finally broken – everyone is at ease – so thankamma aunty does the hounour – she takes the pain of introducing everyone to me – sweet aunty - !! “ayyomolu endu velliyaddu aayi – annu endu cherrudu aayirinnu” (“beta – you’ve grown up so big – you used to be a small girl at that time – koochi koochi – koo!!!!”) - As if the embarrassment was not enough!!!

Among all this drama – I actually did not notice the guy – swear – I just din – he is being interrogated by my dad – my dad wants to know where he works – how much he earns – and when did he pass out his engineering – “2005”- he says – ??? – “2005??? – She passed out in 2004 -???” – I eye at my dad – with that expression “wah dad – ladka to mujhse chota hain – hehehhe – too good” – “why?? – You got a drop in engg is it?? ” – poor boy – “no no uncle – I passed all my exams with first class – never got a KT” – OK – so this poor boy is also a good boy it seems!!! - dad checks his date of birth and finds he is 3 months older to me and just happened to join kindergarden a year late – PHEW – everyone is relieved !! – “CRAP – there goes my one chance of saying NO” – I think - at this half of the room – I am also being interrogated – the same set of questions – date of birth – where were you working education – do you cook??? – The most important question in this questionnaire and of course a question that carries the maximum points – and etc etc –!!!

We are permitted to go to the other room – now that uncles and aunties have had enough of me – and my dad enough of him – the beginning is as usual the same stuff – an introduction – about family – your work etc – likes and dislikes etc – but the fun part starts only NOW !!! -

“I believe – as a family we should stay together – I mean I want my parents to stay with me – I know most girls these days want nuclear family – they might be right but I don’t think so -” – “mm – I think you are right” – “it’s nice you think so” – he SMILES! – As if he is so relieved – “so what do you do in your free time – say on weekends – how to you pass your time???” – I ask – “I like music” – mm that’s exciting – “that’s really good – so do you sing or do you play?” –“Both!” – OHH Even better - “oh wow – so you are a musician – that’s nice – so what do you play?? And what music do you like??” – “I play guitar and have a Casio at home- I try to play it daily but hardly find time – it gets busy at times -” – “oh WOW – that really is a very good hobby – so have you been learning music??” - “no not really – I am lazy – sometimes I do sometimes I do not – mom dad encourage me – I am so glad they are so encouraging - and that is how I am learning all this now – I used to sing in college – but it is only now that I discovered my passion for music and started playing – but I think I should be more serious and learn it more seriously – BLAH BLAH - ” –it started well but this seems like a life time achievement award speech now – thank yous and sorrys – “but of Corse if you have a passion for music you must learn it – so what music do you listen to – what do you like the most??” – “Oh – I like all music – but the music that I love the most is – bhajans” – “BHAJANS??????!!!!” – “yes – bhajans – devotional songs -” – it din seem like this when it started – I wonder - ok any ways – “I like listening to all ayyapan bhajans – it’s so soothing so divine – so serene -” – “oh wow – gr8!” I say – “whenever I find time I will go to any show or orchestra where bhajan is taking place” –“during the shabarimala season I visit the temple to listen to these bhajans” – haaaaaaaaaaaaaa – I don’t know what to say - “Oh wow – you seem like a great bhakt of ayyapan – you believe a lot in this god – isn’t it -??”

Shabarimala – if you do not know - this is name of a mountain in central Kerala – it’s a pilgrim – there is a ayyapan temple at the top of it – the season for shabarilmala start somewhere in October and goes on till December – it’s a difficult oath to take – for a month – you are pure vegetarians – you follow brahmacharya – which means you are not allowed to look at girls – listen to loud music or anything provoking – the pilgrim is completely on foot – yes bare foot – you have to climb that mountain to reach the peak – it’s a well know fasting done by hindu mallu men –

“Yes I do – I am a big bhakt of ayyapan – I have a small murti of this lord in my house and also in my office” – “so – have you been to shabarimala??” – “YES YES – 3 times – am planning this year also – I am so much looking forward to it and am so excited –“- “3 times – wow – it’s a very difficult mritum to do – it’s amazing you do it” – since he seemed so interested I told him - “there is a ayyapan temple nearby in our area – and they have several cultural programs during shabarimala season” –“oh really?? – wah – where is it is it nearly by – is it walk able -” – suddenly he is so much full of joy its seems as if he will go visit the temple right now – “yeah it is nearby – but I don’t know where exactly – cos I have never been there – I know because my dad told me” – I told him and he seems disappointed – “you do not go to temple????” –“Yes I do when my mom goes – during Onam and vishu – but it’s not very frequent though–” - “OKkkkk” – a sad ok! –

“Who is going to temple???” – enter arun – wonder what he is doing here – “sorry I don’t want to intrude – just came to check if you guys need anything -??” –no I think I am fine” – “good” – “he was saying he is planning to go to shabarimala – I think arun you should also go sometime – all mallu hindu guys go there – you should also give it a try” – “REALLY??” – “You going there 1st time or have been before” – “this would be the 4th time” – “4th time??? – Wow – I guess I can join u – it would be a good trek for me – smiles” – gr8! Thanks so much toocho – tht was funny – actually the discussion had become so bhakti bhav poorn – that I needed this – but hello be careful – he might not like it – he din like the fact that am not that religious - !! – “ah grrr” – realizing he has cracked something stupid – “ok – you guys continue – I shall check with the others if they need anything”

The kid – I don’t remember what his name is – ill call him bablu – cos if not his mama but at least he is cute – comes running to our room – I see my neice “dungu” is after him – she has a determined look – and is staring at him – I wonder whts up with those kids – bablu is standing near the wall panting - with a frightened look on his face – dungu still with the same determined look – what is it with this girl?? – is she going to hit him ? Pinch him or hug him?? – she is a very unpredictable girl – just like her naani - dungu approaches him and pulls her hand out and gives him a bikki (biscuit) – bikki is her language – bablu finally smiles – she is happy and goes away – WOW - !! – Childhood was definitely fun I think – so innocent - !!!

“I am a pure vegetarian!! – I don’t like meat or chicken” – “oh really – why is that so – have you never eaten?? Is your family also vegetarian -” “no – they all eat – it’s just that I don’t – I just don’t like the taste of it – besides it goes against my faith -” – “hmmm” - “how about u?” – “ME?? – ah hah – am a pure non-vegetarian – I love fish the most – I can have it anytime anywhere – in fact we all r in my family – kind of have been used to having chicken fish and eggs -” – he is again disappointed - :-(

“so – I have heard IT has hectic work schedule – and you have to travel a lot” - “yes that is true – at times my work becomes hectic -” – “do you have to stay back late?? – do you have night shifts??” – “no – no nights but yeah at times I have to stretch - what time do you come home -??” – “my timings are 8 to 5 and am home by 6” –“oh that’s a good time – you get lot of time for yourself” – “by the time I tell him about my travel tour and excursions he is already exhausted – its starts from Mysore – Pune – Bangalore – London - Italy - Swiss and 2 months back I had been to New York” – “OHHH” he says – “would you have to travel even now - ?? I mean even after marriage do they ask you to??” - “mm – well nothing is hard and fast – depends upon the opportunities!!” – He is again disappointed!

“So what are your aspirations? – what do you plan to do in next say 5 years??” – I ask him - “oh well – I have bought a house recently – so I think I shall shift there – and continue to work here – I go to office and come back by evening - so basically settle down” – hmmm – well is that all you want to do?? – “Mm well yes” -It seems like he is about to take VRS - !!!

“Are you guys done -??” – Says Jo – oh am so glad to see her – “am sorry – but your mom dad are looking for you – if you guys are done!” – “ah yes yes -”

So finally they are leaving – suddenly someone pulls my hand and takes me to a corner – one of his aunts – smiling hopefully at me – “so how did you like our aji mon???” – Ha?? – I am dumbfounded – “aaaa mmmm aa – aunty my parents will let you know” – “ah they will but you tell me now – don’t worry I won’t tell it to anybody” – wow nice plan!! – “hahha aunty – I do not know about him but you are very sweet –” “heheheh” – she is flattered – “ennal namalku pinne kaanam” (so we shall meet again) – says my mom – thank god she is here!!!
PHEW - !!! – At last the show has come to an end – I take a deep breath -!!!

It’s been just 15 min that they have left – and my mom dad are looking at me with the same hopeful smile – “WHAT???” – I say – “ok ok – no problem you take your time and let us know – but I liked the boy – he is educated – good job – has a house – good family – family boy -” and she goes on and on and on – and I wonder - has the show come to an end ?? – Or has it just begun?? !!!!!!!!!!! ………………………….

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La Italia - Belpaese

La Italia – Balpaese

Chapter - 1
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Early morning 3 am – “why is it that this things is not fitting in – gosh I don’t believe this – we have to leave in another 1 hour and am still packing – these 2 gals are nicely sleeping – its only me who is obsessed with this packing and unpacking” – phew –

It’s been a long 5 months of time that I have come over here – I love this place – but of late all I have been wanting to do is just run away from here – someone has really said it very true – that after all “it’s not all the productivity or the profit that matters – it’s the job satisfaction that does at the end of the day” – well in my case – I am so satisfied with my job – that all my saturation levels have crossed” – the P2 that came in evening just before I was leaving office has given me this painful but very true realization – thanks to that I came home late – I had my dinner late and have started the packing late – and not to forget – am also packing this for 2 of my lovely roomies – surely without whom I would been dead by now –

Somehow having stayed away from home and having travelled so much – I have become so used to packing and unpacking that it comes naturally to me to raise my hands first whenever this comes up as a task – but today I don’t know why it’s taking longer than usual – “another 10 min and am off”

I finally had to sit over my box to close – nevertheless the turmoil is over – “mmmmmmmm mujhe booth neend aa rahi hain” – I wonder when will all the “booths” in this world stop happening with neenu – everything has to be in excess (booth) if it has to happen with neenu – whether its BOOTH sleep! – BOOTH hunger! – BOOTH work! – Her BOOTH tears! - Or for that matter her long and winding stories – sab kuch BOOTH hi hota hain usake saath –
“Abbey moti uth” – she is BANG awake with her already big eyes – even bigger – that can pop out any time – poor neenu – if ppl have doubts that if a mice can and has all the capabilities of scaring an elephant – then they should visit our home at 36 Fleetwood close – all their doubts shall vanish by looking at me and neenu – and there are no points for guessing who the mice is and who the elephant is!

Now – where’s deepthi – deeps is what I call her – her dark room is lit with the little light coming from her mobile – she is struggling under her duvet to find her ringing mobile – finally she has won the battle – she comes out – her small eyes – have become even more small – unlike neenu’s – she gives me a feeble smile – “main uth gayi” – as usual - she is a good gal – she woke up the moment I called her – in fact she is already dressing up – one thing I really like about her – she never disappoints!

Its 4 am – the roads here become so silent – in fact it gets so lonely – that even if we are together – the darkness makes u feel u r alone – we are running late – we have to catch a train to London Stansted airport its 1.5 hrs from here – we are breathless panting – neenu is half dead – I wonder if we can reach Italy running like this –
The wind blew fast away from me – suddenly I see a black thing running past me and jumping on the middle of the road! – THUMP! – What’s this??? – Its none other than neenu – she is waving fiercely at the bus that is coming from behind – again she manages to not only surprise me and deeps but also to shock us –

The bus drivers are soft and nice people here – cos when I think of their counterparts back home – I can only imagine neenu becoming a “paapad” by now – there is a warm smile on this old man’s face – it’s reassuring – as if he only is going to take us to Italy –

If not Italy we have at least reached our start point – the east Croydon station – its amazing to see this place so quite – there are people standing with their bags trucks etc – they too have a destination to reach – but they all r calm – as if someone has told them that they will be reaching their destination on time – why is it that its only me who is restless – it’s as if that P2 will re-appear this time as P1 and ask me not to go to Italy - am walking up and down right and left – there is no indicator – when will the train come – it’s so quite – where are these 2 ladies ??? – I find them sitting on the bench there – yeah – of Corse sleeping – J

It’s finally here – it’s such a joy – there are bags everywhere – ppl sleeping over each other – we somehow manage to find a place to sit – it’s so relaxing – the feeling of a vacation and a unknown adventure makes me feel ecstatic – I din know when I started dreaming and fell asleep –

Its Stansted station – there is no much difference in the ppl and the train – they are all waiting in a queue – we follow suit – we go down – there are 3 escalators – the indicator above says – towards bus station to Stansted airport –

The planning and implementation of this aristocratic country amazes me – how things are so organized – u just join the Q and get into the next bus that comes – this makes me think of the blue bus in harry potter – minus the hustle bustle and madness of that bus –

We are finally in the Q – there is nothing much to do – but to wait for the next bus – I move around while my friends wait in the Q – the blue eyes are big – the eye balls so round and sparkling – the iris so black – as if oozing out of its surrounding blueness – he eyes me as I stare at his read candy – its one huge candy I have seen – red – it’s as red as his cheeks – red – cos he does not like me looking at his candy – let see if I smile – he smirks – turns around and runs to his mommy - well – he does not like my smile also – hmm this 10 year sure does have some attitude –

“visit London” – is what this pamphlet says – in bold white letters – as I start going across the museums – parks and places to visit in London – I happen to get distracted by some one’s sweet chuckle – when I raise my eyes – her hair is flowing in the cold breeze that has spread this part of the London – her nice round warm hat prevents it from spreading all over her face – “visit London” she too is holding the same pamphlet – but she isn’t reading it – her gaze is fixed – as if she is in a trance – as she looks over she smiles in between - her cheeks go red when she does that – as I follow her gaze – I too go into a similar trance – there he is – a soft oval face – blue eyes – messy hair – a white loose t-shirt and a loose fitting 3-4ths – tall and broad shoulders - he occasionally looks at her and says something which makes her all red – he has his hands in his pockets – his expression is that of calm comfort – suddenly a cold wind blows past all of us – she is so cold – moves close to him and hugs him – he does not remove his hands from his pocket to hug her – but his shoulders stoop and he bends down – he places his cheeks over her head and closes his eyes – as if saying – “am there for u don’t worry” –

For a moment I am mesmerized by this couple – the image of them standing cozy with in each other’s comfort makes me re-think on my ideas of the whole concept of love and relationships – for a person like me who believes falling in love is synonyms with a paranoid state of mind where ppl lose their mind and brains – this is a state of madness which most ppl lovingly want to fall in – while I keep running away from the same – but there is something about this pair – something divine serene and touching – for a moment – I actually make a wish for them that they stay together like this forever ….

“pom – pom” – says the bus – I pick up my bag as deeps and neenu are calling my name “swat” – I hurry but turn around to look for that couple - but there are so many ppl out here I can’t find them – “swat” – I hear again - and I drop the pamphlet back to the rack from where I took it – cos its time to say bye bye London – and “visit Italy”.

Chapter 2 -
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London Stansted Airport - happens to be Britain’s 3rd busiest Airport – sure it does seem so – cos most low cost airlines have made this its base – one of the other things that interest me about this airport is its architecture – an oblong glass building – in fact at the entrance – if look above at the ceiling you can see the sky – its drizzling outside – so the ceiling has gone wet - anywhere my eyes go – I see only white beams and glass – plain glass – it’s marvelous!

Its 6 am now – our flight is in another hour – but we have time to halt and have some breakfast – cos if there is one thing that we 3 unanimously believe in then - it’s FOOD! – Seriously – I have been lucky in this matter – that all my friends and roomies have always shared my passion for food – so are deeps and neenu – thanks to this – we have explored some of the best places for some delicious food in London! In spite of the long queue and being short of time we manage to grab our cup of steaming hot starbucks coffee and muffins – the muffins are so large they barely fit into my arms – I have to hold it in both my arms – but yeah these are yummy – swear! - in India I have always had only cup cakes – it was only here that I discovered the difference between the 2 – but I enjoy both of them equally - it’s all thanks to café joints like starbucks – nero and etc that we have continued drinking coffee in this country otherwise the coffee that the ppl here, drink is no less than a molten tar – the one used to polish our Indian roads – both in looks - smell and probably also the taste!

By the time we have finished with our breakfast – a usual thing happens – the realization that we are late – being late anywhere and everywhere has become a norm – a tradition – that we unknowingly but religiously follow – SO! - again – we are off with are bags running towards the security check in – by the time we are out of this and running towards gate no 6 – the announcement for the last passengers is already going on – never has any gate seemed so far – this is like a huge tunnel – has no end – while me and deeps are struggling to move ahead – I see neenu – ZOOM! - passing us and heading towards the end of the tunnel – as if this is the relay race of Olympics 2007 and neenu is the undefeated winner – AND - sure she is – cos by the time we reach the end of Gate number 6 – they have already put on the barricades – both flight attendants have their arms raised and are ordering us to stop – cos if they don’t neenu will definitely jump this barricade and reach our plane :-) - hahha – but no worries all they want to do is check our passports –

The runway is so huge – our plane – white with an orange tail – which says “Ryanair” is almost ready to take-off – it’s EUPHORIC! – “ITALY ITALY!!” - When we step inside it – it’s a big relief – PHEW! – inside there is no seat numbers u sit wherever u find place to sit – but it seems all the seats are already taken – we somehow manage to find seats and have fastened our seat belts – with all the Olympics race, night out and the burst of excitement taking toll over me – I am fast asleep - :-)